And this story is almost what happened to me. This post is dedicated to my first show that I had to quit. But I’ve chosen to write about it because quitting alone is one thing, but this was something else. This was my first show that might have been.
On January 15, 2013, I was cast as Laertes in a production of Hamlet in Petaluma. You can’t imagine how thrilled I was to finally have a major supporting role after a long time playing ensemble roles and a couple minor supporting roles. I found out about this show via Facebook and sent my resume and headshot to the director. Not five minutes later I received a phone call from him. He told me I would be a possible contender for that role and to come into the second round of auditions in four days. So, I spent the next four days researching the role and practicing reading passages I felt that I would probably be reading for auditions. Then on that day I went in and did Laertes’ first solo scene with Ophelia which had his big speech (Act 1 Scene 3, for a reference). It went over so well he cast me on the spot.
The director also talked about taking the show on a tour of the county playing in Sonoma, Sebastopol and even the (then) Wells Fargo Center in Santa Rosa. That would have been thrilling.
Though I was excited at first, it soon became apparent that the show was hampered by problems from the beginning. First I could tell that the director was easily distracted even in auditions (more on that later). The show was set to run March 7-11, but even though there was a read-through (which I couldn’t go to due to a rehearsal for another show), my first rehearsal was not until a month before the show was set to open. The director wanted to cut the show down to about two hours, but he had no script and could only get some rehearsals in the afternoon, but gave me no days and times when he wanted me. If he had I would’ve worked out my work schedule with my boss. Then the show was pushed back to begin March 21. That still could’ve worked for me as my show after that would begin rehearsals around March 25.
The process was not improving. We never had a full cast, but there were some familiar faces to me. However, one at a time they began to drop out of the show for better offers or because they couldn’t stand how disorganized the process was or that the show dates were being pushed back. I waited anxiously for a script or a rehearsal schedule, but nothing arrived. I began to get worried about the direction in which the show was going.
Days went by after that first rehearsal without hearing anything. Then on February 18, the director called and told me he was pushing the show back to April. I had to begin rehearsals for my next show in exactly a month and this production was too disorganized. I felt like I was on a ship that was sinking fast. I conversed with Diana Grogg, my director from Merry Wives of Windsor and who was originally Gertrude, via Facebook messages expressing my doubts and concerns. She did not like the process for a minute. Diana was very experienced in Shakespeare knowing it well and a much better director. She could’ve done the cuts easily. She told me that this was the part of life in theatre where actors have to step back and ask themselves “Where is this REALLY going?” and also assured me that I was still young and would have another chance again. She told me to trust my gut.
I decided enough was enough and I left the show. I’ve been in bad theatre situations before, even ones where I began to panic, but always they seemed to work out in the end, though in some cases at the very last second. However, in this case I could not take a chance on a director who kept pushing the dates back and expected me to follow it.
The director, who was also playing Hamlet, was too hyperactive and I’m almost sure he had ADHD. He also could not get to the point when talking and got distracted easily. Whenever he called me by phone, he took forever to say why he called in the first place. He basically could not get his act together. Then in rehearsal in Laertes' first speech (Act 1 Scene 3) he kept giving me my motivation and every time he stopped me, he kept repeating himself, though not always using the same words and also kept adding on and on, and while some directors do this anyway, this was not because I wasn’t improving. Sometimes when I was barely into the speech, he stopped me to do this. I just kept thinking “I know already! I heard you the first time and I wrote it down on my script. I can take direction. Now stop interrupting me.” And there were even times when he stopped me and changed what he wanted from me completely. Even the assistant director seemed dissatisfied with the process. Worst of all, the director did not know his Shakespeare very well and was cutting things from the script on the fly without realizing what it was he was cutting. And scariest of all was that he had directed shows before. So if he was always like this one can only imagine how those shows turned out. And apparently this was only his fourth time directing. I'm pretty sure he wanted to do this show just so that he could play Hamlet.
It was hard to let go of such a good role, especially because I really wanted it. But I know I did the right thing. As I said, I was on a sinking ship and the lifeboats were leaving fast. In the film Shakespeare in Love, Geoffrey Rush states “The natural condition is one of insurmountable obstacles on the road to imminent disaster…Strangely enough, it all turns out well…It’s a mystery.” And it really does, one way or another. However, I’m sure that this show would have been the exception. And I was not about to put my life on hold to wait for it to happen. So, I abandoned the project and looked ahead to the next show I had lined up: Young Frankenstein.
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