HAMLET

I’d like to tell you an anecdote about a very talented actress named Judy Holliday. Judy Holliday was an Oscar and Tony Award winning actress of stage, screen and radio who often proved to be the one bright spot in an otherwise mediocre project. But in her final project before her early death of breast cancer in 1965 at age 43, a musical called Hot Spot, she said to a reporter, "You can only live through one or two Hot Spots in your life." This was said in anticipation of the opening of a show that she knew was doomed to fail. She was trapped on a sinking ship and she knew it.

And this story is almost what happened to me. This post is dedicated to my first show that I had to quit. But I’ve chosen to write about it because quitting alone is one thing, but this was something else. This was my first show that might have been.

On January 15, 2013, I was cast as Laertes in a production of Hamlet in Petaluma. You can’t imagine how thrilled I was to finally have a major supporting role after a long time playing ensemble roles and a couple minor supporting roles. I found out about this show via Facebook and sent my resume and headshot to the director. Not five minutes later I received a phone call from him. He told me I would be a possible contender for that role and to come into the second round of auditions in four days. So, I spent the next four days researching the role and practicing reading passages I felt that I would probably be reading for auditions. Then on that day I went in and did Laertes’ first solo scene with Ophelia which had his big speech (Act 1 Scene 3, for a reference). It went over so well he cast me on the spot.

The director also talked about taking the show on a tour of the county playing in Sonoma, Sebastopol and even the (then) Wells Fargo Center in Santa Rosa. That would have been thrilling.

Though I was excited at first, it soon became apparent that the show was hampered by problems from the beginning. First I could tell that the director was easily distracted even in auditions (more on that later). The show was set to run March 7-11, but even though there was a read-through (which I couldn’t go to due to a rehearsal for another show), my first rehearsal was not until a month before the show was set to open. The director wanted to cut the show down to about two hours, but he had no script and could only get some rehearsals in the afternoon, but gave me no days and times when he wanted me. If he had I would’ve worked out my work schedule with my boss. Then the show was pushed back to begin March 21. That still could’ve worked for me as my show after that would begin rehearsals around March 25.

The process was not improving. We never had a full cast, but there were some familiar faces to me. However, one at a time they began to drop out of the show for better offers or because they couldn’t stand how disorganized the process was or that the show dates were being pushed back. I waited anxiously for a script or a rehearsal schedule, but nothing arrived. I began to get worried about the direction in which the show was going.

Days went by after that first rehearsal without hearing anything. Then on February 18, the director called and told me he was pushing the show back to April. I had to begin rehearsals for my next show in exactly a month and this production was too disorganized. I felt like I was on a ship that was sinking fast. I conversed with Diana Grogg, my director from Merry Wives of Windsor and who was originally Gertrude, via Facebook messages expressing my doubts and concerns. She did not like the process for a minute. Diana was very experienced in Shakespeare knowing it well and a much better director. She could’ve done the cuts easily. She told me that this was the part of life in theatre where actors have to step back and ask themselves “Where is this REALLY going?” and also assured me that I was still young and would have another chance again. She told me to trust my gut.

I decided enough was enough and I left the show. I’ve been in bad theatre situations before, even ones where I began to panic, but always they seemed to work out in the end, though in some cases at the very last second. However, in this case I could not take a chance on a director who kept pushing the dates back and expected me to follow it.

The director, who was also playing Hamlet, was too hyperactive and I’m almost sure he had ADHD. He also could not get to the point when talking and got distracted easily. Whenever he called me by phone, he took forever to say why he called in the first place. He basically could not get his act together. Then in rehearsal in Laertes' first speech (Act 1 Scene 3) he kept giving me my motivation and every time he stopped me, he kept repeating himself, though not always using the same words and also kept adding on and on, and while some directors do this anyway, this was not because I wasn’t improving. Sometimes when I was barely into the speech, he stopped me to do this. I just kept thinking “I know already! I heard you the first time and I wrote it down on my script. I can take direction. Now stop interrupting me.” And there were even times when he stopped me and changed what he wanted from me completely. Even the assistant director seemed dissatisfied with the process. Worst of all, the director did not know his Shakespeare very well and was cutting things from the script on the fly without realizing what it was he was cutting. And scariest of all was that he had directed shows before. So if he was always like this one can only imagine how those shows turned out. And apparently this was only his fourth time directing. I'm pretty sure he wanted to do this show just so that he could play Hamlet.

It was hard to let go of such a good role, especially because I really wanted it. But I know I did the right thing. As I said, I was on a sinking ship and the lifeboats were leaving fast. In the film Shakespeare in Love, Geoffrey Rush states “The natural condition is one of insurmountable obstacles on the road to imminent disaster…Strangely enough, it all turns out well…It’s a mystery.” And it really does, one way or another. However, I’m sure that this show would have been the exception. And I was not about to put my life on hold to wait for it to happen. So, I abandoned the project and looked ahead to the next show I had lined up: Young Frankenstein.

A FUNNY THING HAPPENED ON THE WAY TO THE FORUM

Date of Run: February 8-17, 2013
ROLE: Protean

Production Photos by Eric Chazankin

The first show I did in 2013 was A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum at the Spreckels Performing Arts Center in Rohnert Park, book by Burt Shevelove and Larry Gelburt and music and lyrics by Stephen Sondheim. The show was directed by Gene Abravaya, the music directors were Richard and Sandy Riccardi and the choreographer was Michella (Mikey) Snider, who also was in the cast. I like to think of this show as my show of “firsts”: my first show of 2013, my first show at Spreckels (one of the largest theatres in Sonoma County and the North Bay), my first Sondheim show, my first farce and full comedy show, the first show where I was paid, the first show where I beat out other people auditioning for a role, the first show where I wore a microphone, and the first show where I didn’t have to help strike the set.

I auditioned in November during the week before tech week for The Great Divide and I was cast as one of the Proteans. Rehearsals began on January 2. Our first rehearsal was a read-through (of course) and, while reading the script, within minutes, we were all laughing hysterically.

The cast included my friends Sam Starr, Chelsea Smith, Dene Harvey and Matt Lindberg. The rest of the cast included Tim Setzer, Elliot Simon, Tina Lloyd Meals, Alan Krafton, Anthony Guzman, Greg Maddox, Larry Williams, Lauren Siler, Sophia Ferar, Melissa Petty, Abbey Lee, Harry Duke and Matthew Proschold. I had seen a few members of the cast in other shows they had done, whether I recognized who they were or not.

Musically the show sailed on rather quickly, perhaps because there weren't many group numbers. Richard would play the rehearsal piano and be the conductor and Sandy would teach the vocal parts. Richard was more present than Sandy, who was there in the beginning and then we didn't see her again until toward opening. People also met with her privately outside rehearsals, those who had solo songs that is. We did a brush up to clean up any rough edges later. For my part, I only sang in three songs, "Comedy Tonight," "Bring me my Bride" and "Funeral Sequence," which was the hardest (more on that later). When the show came, Sandy was also in the pit on a keyboard, but playing as a harp.

Though usually the group of Proteans is said in the script to be only three men, this production had four: Anthony, Sam, Greg and me. In our first rehearsal solely with Mikey we had to learn some physical tricks that we’d incorporate into the opening number, “Comedy Tonight.” She had us do somersaults, cartwheels and backwards somersaults. Then we had to learn a human caterpillar, which took some time to learn. Finally we divided into pairs and learned a certain backward somersault. One guy would be standing and the other would do the backward somersault ending with wrapping his legs around the standing partner’s hips while the standing partner would grab the legs and the somersaulting partner would come up straight before the standing partner released the legs. This was a very tough one to do. I was partnered with Greg and, after a few tries, we could do it perfectly. Sam (standing) and Anthony never got it and when Anthony and I switched partners, I couldn’t it either. Greg was a solid man and with my smaller frame, it worked perfectly, but it couldn't be done with any other combination.

After this we did not work this again for sometime, but the second time, we worked with Gene. We staged our first entrance in “Comedy Tonight” with Tim (Pseudolous). We staged a pyramid in which I stood on Anthony and Greg’s legs while Sam sat on their knees. Then we’d grab hands doing a ballet-type move, moving stage left and then we’d go into the human caterpillar. We were supposed to walk once we got up on our hands. Unfortunately, I was having wrist problems and I tried walking on a fist. Gene noticed it and after I told him why I was doing that, he decided there’d be no walking. Not only that, but the caterpillar had to be fixed to accommodate my needs. We had it facing a different way so I’d first go up on my good hand, which worked anyway caused it made it easier for us to get behind the curtain center stage when we left. In terms of the walking part of the caterpillar, I felt so guilty that I was hindering our ability to do something awesome in the show. Nobody blamed me or gave me a hard time for it, but it didn’t help. However, we did not get to do any cartwheels, somersaults or the backward somersault into the legs trick. The only somersaulting we did was when we got out of the caterpillar. It was rather a shame we never got to do anything gymnastic.

Our (incomplete pyramid). Left to Right: Sam, Me, Anthony Imagine Greg in Sam's place and Sam on Greg's and Anthony's knees and that's our real pyramid 

My other big moment in the opening was in the musical segment for the house of Lycus during “Comedy Tonight.” The other three Proteans would run on and pray for a woman. Mikey would then come out and they’d chase her off. Then Tim would do the same that they did, only I would come out in a hideous blonde wig, chase him and then run off for the next bit the Proteans did.

My wig moment. My pose was inspired by this photo of Angela Lansbury in Mame

This show was going to be very physical even in rehearsals. The chase scene in the second act alone was physical, but the most exhausting moment for me was during “The Funeral.” Alan (Hysterium) was lying on the bench as the pretending to be the virgin for Matthew Proschold (Miles Gloriosus). During this song we’d all be moving fast, singing and be mostly bent over all at once. Then the Proteans would lift Alan up while singing. All four of us were breathing hard after that, but it became a little easier as we did it with every rehearsal and show.

It was all too obvious that this show was going to be very funny. It took us some time to stop laughing at certain moments, though it was still a struggle. Eventually I had to look past or above, but not directly at the person causing the comic moment. Two examples of this were in Act 2 when Harry (Erronious) came running onstage left running to stage right saying “Second time around! My house is haunted.” And this passage in Act 1:

Me: (Holding a contract) And do you see what it says there?

Tim: It says…words. And I intend to stand behind these words or my name is not Marcus Lycus.

Alan: (Entering) Pseudolus!

Tim: (Without missing a beat) Or my name is not Pseudolus Marcus Lycus.

A couple weeks before tech week, quite a few in the cast got sick about one or two at a time. I began to notice it when Tina and Anthony were sick at about the same time. Anthony was out for one day and Tina for three. Then Melissa and Abbey were out at the same time with Melissa out longer. Then Sophia was out with a migraine and after her, Dene. Sam was the last and apparently, he had the worst case and, as a result, had to be out for a few days. I stepped in and said his lines and did his movements in the chase scene and other moments so that the show would keep its flow. The first night I did that, I was exhausted, but then you would be too if you were doing two parts at once.

In spite of this, I was amazed at how very calm I was during the whole process. In the last two shows I did I was a bit panicky because we did not have a full cast or we couldn’t get a full rehearsal without stopping. But in this show, everything was going fine with hardly any problems. There was not a single moment during the rehearsal process where I had a panicky moment or worried that the show would crash. That was because the show was not wobbly or anything. During the run the show went smoothly and nothing out of the ordinary happened once.

During the Sunday of tech rehearsal, we experienced our costumes for the first time. One notable change in the protean costumes was the eunuch costume. We were originally supposed to be topless, but Gene changed that. I was looking forward to that, but I don’t think the other three were. It was probably just as well because now it meant I didn’t have to cover the tattoo on my back, though I still had to do it for the one on my arm. All four of the Proteans had at least one tattoo on our upper body and we had to cover the ones that would’ve been even the least bit visible and the cover-up we used was like quick drying cement. It took a scrubbing with a washcloth to get it off. Honestly my favorite of them all was our slave costume. I don't know why; I just really liked that one.

It was on that day that I also experienced getting to use a microphone for the first time. I was ecstatic.

I had seven costume changes in this show. It was one less than Reefer Madness, but in this case, most of the changes were less frantic. I’d go from slave to citizen to eunuch to sailor to soldier to eunuch to back to soldier and end as a eunuch. Only two of these changes were not so relaxing. I had about two and a half minutes to change from slave to citizen. My final change was the most hectic. Right before the chase scene I had to run offstage and I had less than half a minute to change. I was originally supposed to stay on stage, but the first time I put on my soldier costume, I knew I would have no time to change if I did that. I basically had to wear my eunuch costume underneath, rip everything off when I went offstage, throw it on a table and run back onstage from inside the house of Lycus.

My five costumes. L to R: Protean/Slave, Citizen, Eunuch, Sailor, and Soldier

Though there were four Proteans, no more than three were used during a scene until “Bring Me My Bride." In the scenes that required three of us (citizens, eunuchs, and sailors) Sam and I were always in them, but Anthony and Greg split two of them. Anthony did the eunuch parts and Greg took the sailor scene. I suppose we probably could’ve thought of a way so we’d all have equal stage time and lines in the interest of fairness, but in all honesty, I wanted as much stage time as possible. Wouldn't you?

Sometime before opening, I came up with a little "A-ha" moment in the show. During one moment in the show when Lycus lies to Mile Gloriosus, claiming his home is a house of lepers, I came up with a bit while we were stopped. We did the movement from the second Pirates of the Caribbean film that the pirates do when they see the Black Spot, wiping hands furiously on the chest, spinning around and spitting. Just watch the movie for it.

The last two dress rehearsals were interesting. On Wednesday Greg never showed up, even after calling to say he was close. We all thought it odd. So, Sam, Anthony and I had to pick up the slack, thinking far ahead as to how and where we’d cover him. However, the one thing we did not think about was the caterpillar, probably because it was early in the show and we were thinking of later in the show. Greg was the base of the caterpillar or the one who was holding up everyone else, the only one on all fours. We all realized that I was the base now, but too late to change it or even practice it a couple times. All three of us realized what was coming at the same time, though we never said it to each other verbally and we were all scared to death. As we came to it I held my breath and thought “Oh please let this work!” Miraculously, it went off without a hitch and we all could breathe easy again.

On Thursday, the day before opening night, it was during “The Funeral.” At the end of it, Miles Gloriosus asks for the contract he has for his bride, who at this point in the play he believes to be dead, so he can bury it with her. Sam was the one who had to hand it to him, but that night he forgot it and he had to have it again in the chase scene. After I got offstage right to head for the other side, I grabbed the contract from Mikey, who was looking for Sam, and I ran for the other side. Sam was on stage left looking frantically for it and then he started to go stage right to look for it as I rounded the corner. Then WHAM! We ran right into each other, knocking each other back. We didn’t get hurt and I just had to laugh at what happened.

As part of my warm-up for the show I would do a few sets of push ups and crunches in the dressing room before too many arrived to prepare myself for the physicality of the show and build my stamina. I would also stare at myself in the mirror and make funny faces because I had a few moments where I could do that. Then on occasion, I did another few sets of push-ups and crunches onstage behind the curtain while waiting for the show to begin.

I never saw the audience clearly, even when we were allowed to look, due to my near-sighted eyes. However, I could see the size of the audience. The first through fourth performances had a good-sized audience.

The fifth performance, the second Saturday (2/16), was our second largest and best audience of all. We could tell even from “Comedy Tonight.” They cheered and applauded even at moments where other audiences didn’t. It was thrilling to have an audience that wasn’t so polite. That day was also Gene’s birthday, so he held a little party in the meeting room with food, wine and cake. During intermission of that night’s performance, most of the cast huddled backstage and discussed a little surprise for him. A little into the party we flashed mobbed him. More specifically, we Harlem-Shaked him. He laughed so hard his face was turning purple. It was a fun night.

Sunday was the largest audience of all. Most of the lower level was packed. Richard left at intermission in order to play in another engagement at Sonoma State. Sandy took his place and conducted us to the end.

For the final performance, the Proteans decided to mix it up a little. We decided to come in at certain scenes we were not originally in just for fun. Anthony came in for the sailor scene with the rest of us and Greg took Anthony’s place as a eunuch when the bench had to be brought on a second time. This was the first time I did not have to participate in the strike because this was a more professional theatre. The cast party was held at costume designer Pam Enz’s house. I brought a cheesecake to universal praise from everyone who tried it. 

Near the end of the run, I made up a story about the four Proteans spending a lot of time in the dressing room because, as Sam pointed out, we were in there more than anyone else. I figured out the perfect term to describe us in the story because it’s what Dene’s father called us after he saw the show. The story went like this:

“Once upon a time there were these four dorks who lived in this tiny room all together, and they never left. And they just sat around all the time talking and talking and quoting Spongebob Squarepants and swearing. And they killed or drove out every single person who ever went in there except for one, who they kept as a pet and danced on at all hours. Then one day these two dorks left and the other two tried to keep going, but without the other two they lost the magic and it fell apart."

Ninety percent of the time, Sam, Anthony and I would quote Spongebob episodes, during rehearsal, back stage, and even behind the curtain as we waited onstage for the show to begin. We always laughed during that. The one we danced on was Matt Lindberg. Sam started it one day by yelling “Dance on Matt!” and since then we would all jump up and dance all over him. Soon he began to run whenever Sam yelled it out. It was all hilarious. We were easily our own little troupe.



The moment before we rolled into the caterpillar. This is my favorite photo of the 600+ taken

On the last day came the farewell cards from a few cast members. There’s always at least one person like that in every company. In this case it was Tina and Sophia. Tina brought gluten-free cupcakes and a card and Sophia brought cards and a mix-CD with a special song for every member of the cast. Mine was the song “Gigi” from Gigi, which I had to ask her because while I knew most of the songs after hearing a few notes or words, I didn’t know mine at all. When I asked why that song, she said that the person’s singing voice reminded her of mine.